Why is it that the moment you get comfortable in your state of living is the very moment that you are completely clueless? Clueless to the war the next moment is going to wage on you. That is life. It’s funny like that. Life has the most abstract sense of humor you will ever know. Some times it is cruel and sadistic and sometimes it is uplifting and inspiring. But when you stop living is when the joke is on you. Life is a little kid with a gold fish. Either its going to feed you and take care of you or it will pick you out of your comfort zone of water and throw you on the ground and watch you slowly kill yourself. It will throw you into a den of lions with the best cuts of meat sown into your coat of self pity. It will watch you get devoured just to see if you are smart enough to realize that it’s the coat of pity that is holding you down and making you prey to the appetites of lions. Lions that surround you daily waiting in the tall brush of worldly bullshit for you to show a weak moment, and then they pounce. So what is it? Are we scared of living? Or are we in fact scared of the consequences of living? Are we scared to make a decision? Or are we scared of the implications that it will have on every moment after? Are we scared of loving? Or are we scared of not being loved back the same way? It’s not ourselves that we doubt but it’s the world that we doubt.
Why is it that we find ourselves on the sideline waiting to get some play time in the game of life? Is it the fear of losing or is it in fact the fear of not being the winner? We don’t fear losing because we have all lost so many times that it has become our nature to accept loss without questioning or contesting it. But being the winner is such a foreign reality to us that we have grown to fear not having it. We have grown accustomed to living in loss. The loss is not some trophy or some monetary prize. It’s your peace of mind, it’s your happiness, it’s your love, it is whatever it is that gives you contentment with life and how you are living. Why is it that it takes hardship and heartbreak to learn that you are not living? It’s because we allow life to blind us when we are not experiencing bad times. We are blind to the light that shines within. Because we fear it. Our fear is not that we are weak, no not at all, but it is that we are powerful beyond our own imagination. We control everything that happens to us. We control what and who we let effect us. We and only we have that control. It’s a contract written in the blood, sweat, and tears we shed to get to that realization.
There in lies our salvation, the realization. The realization that we are here to please no one. That we love because we are loving and not because we are needing. That just because we left the doors to our hearts open and allowed people in doesn’t mean that we don’t have an army of bouncers in it ready to toss them out on their asses the moment they hurt it. That just because we have made tragic mistakes in our past we will not allow them to define who we are today and who we will be tomorrow. That if people are looking at you as something you aren’t then it’s because they are either scared, stupid, or ignorant to who you really are, and you don’t need to prove anything to them. It’s because your light shines so big and bright that they can’t open their hearts to see you unless you dim it to the small flickering flame they hold. All you have to do is live. Live like there is no tomorrow. Love like your life depended on it. And those same people will wish they were a part of your light and life. Because it will illuminate your beautiful soul in all its glory for all to see. Like a spotlight on a concert pianist playing his masterpiece. Right about now is when that song starts….this little light of mine….I’m gonna let it shine.
Peace, Love, and Illumination.
Johnny.
